It seems lately that I have been wrapped in in all the mundane things in life. The minutiae of the every day. I have been thinking of a way to slow things down and stop feeling like I am standing alone and watching my life speed by. There are always moments that make you stop and stand still and remember the things that matter. Work was stressful, my three year old was sick, winter was long and a hundred other things that were on my list for the week.
My mom is everything that holds our family together and as a grandmother she deserves a medal. My mom is amazing and a strong woman and she has taught me so many things that I have only started to notice as I became a mother. And so when she called to tell me she found a lump in her breast and needed to get tests, my speeding world slowed down. My mom had already survived Breast cancer and melanoma so I knew she was a fighter and I found comfort in the fact that it had been so long since her first battle. What was the chance that it would be cancer again? We waited for the tests and I was more and more assured that it was just an ordinary lump and she could get it cut out and we could move on. Move back to the space where my mom was safe and borrowed time wasn't a phrase in my everyday vocabulary.
Instead of a lump that could be cut out and a family that could move on, we had our worst fears realized. "The doctor called and its breast cancer." I couldn't breath. I am a wife and a mommy and in that moment I only felt like a scared little girl. I am scared for my mom and my family and for the road that my mom must travel again. She has been down the path of breast cancer and she will do it again. We are still waiting on results that will tell us the stage, prognosis and if the cancer has traveled to other places in her body. Sometimes the lessons that life teaches you can be unfair but I know that I am going to stop standing alone and watching my life pass me by. I made a promise to myself that I will not regret anymore moments or ever again refer to the everyday moments in my life as mundane. This is too important, my mom is too important. She needs me now to help clear the path that she must travel again and keep the faith and hope. For my dad, my sisters and most of all my daughters. My sweet girls who live to be with my mom. My mom who lives to be part of their lives and keeps them safe and happy for us while we work. Deep breath, prayers, moments and reveling in the everyday. And so she waits for news but not alone.